"Other People Have It Worse" - Why This Thought Might Be Keeping You Stuck

Almost inevitably, my kind, empathetic and self aware clients will say:

"I know other people have it worse."

Sometimes they will drop a variation on the theme that sounds like:

"I shouldn't complain."

"I have a good life."

"Other people have been through real trauma."

"I don't know why I'm struggling when other people are dealing with so much more."

And often, they're right.

There will almost always be someone who has experienced greater hardship, loss, trauma, illness or adversity. We only have to turn on the news to witness truly profound suffering.

But here's the thing:

Suffering isn't a competition.

The Problem With Perspective

Perspective is truly a beautiful thing.

It can help us appreciate what we have, foster gratitude, and remind us of our resilience. But sometimes, "other people have it worse" stops being perspective and starts becoming self-invalidation.

Instead of helping, it sounds more like:

• "I don't deserve support."
• "I should be able to handle this."
• "My feelings aren't important."
• "I need to just get on with it."
• "I haven't earned the right to struggle."

Over time, this way of thinking can keep us stuck.

Pain Doesn't Have to Be the Worst Pain to Matter

Imagine you broke your arm.

Would you avoid going to the hospital because someone else had two broken legs?

Probably not.

You would recognise that your pain still deserved attention. We can think of emotional pain in much the same way.

You don't need to be at breaking point before reaching out for support. You don't need to justify your distress by comparing it to someone else's experiences. You don't need to wait until you're barely functioning to acknowledge that things feel hard.

Why We Do This

For many people, minimising their own struggles started as a way of coping.

Perhaps you grew up hearing messages such as:

• "Don't make a fuss."
• "Other people have it harder."
• "Be grateful."
• "Just get on with it."
• "You're lucky compared to others."

Maybe you learned to be the capable one. The helper. The person who didn't ask for much.

Maybe you became so good at looking after everyone else that recognising your own needs began to feel uncomfortable, selfish, or weak.

Over time, compassion became something you offered freely to others, but struggled to extend to yourself.

Would You Say This to Someone You Love?

If a friend came to you and said:

"I'm exhausted."

"I've been anxious for months."

"I'm struggling to cope."

Would your response be:

"Well, other people have it worse."

Probably not.

You would likely listen. You might reassure them that what they're experiencing sounds really difficult and encourage them to seek support.

You would recognise that their pain mattered, even if someone else in the world was suffering too.

So why is it often so much harder to offer ourselves that same kindness?

You Don't Need Permission to Need Help

One of the biggest myths about therapy is that you need to be in crisis before reaching out.

The truth is that many people seek support because they are:

• feeling overwhelmed
• carrying stress for too long
• navigating relationship difficulties
• experiencing anxiety or low mood
• adjusting to major life changes
• struggling with perfectionism or self-criticism
• wanting things to feel easier

Therapy isn't reserved for people who have reached rock bottom.

You don't have to earn support through suffering.

Two Things Can Be True

Perhaps the most helpful reframe is this:

Yes, other people may have it worse.

And you're still allowed to struggle.

Both things can exist at the same time.

Acknowledging your own pain doesn't take anything away from someone else's.

You can be grateful for the good things in your life and recognise that you're finding things difficult.

You can be resilient and still need support.

You can be coping... and also exhausted.

You Deserve Compassion Too

If you've been waiting for permission to take your own experiences seriously, this is it.

You don't have to prove that you're struggling enough.

You don't have to justify why things feel hard.

You don't have to wait until you're falling apart.

You are allowed to ask for help simply because you're human.

And sometimes, the bravest thing we can do is stop comparing our pain and start responding to it with the same compassion we would offer someone we love.